heart break.

we just got back from dinner at canadian dave's. bbc world was on the TV and it was showing a series called "nurses at the frontline" and of course, the segment was on Free Burma Rangers (FBR) medics and nurses. it really shook me because they said the footage was taped from 2004 into 2007, in karen state, which means it is happening right now, just few miles from where i am sitting. there were stories of raids, 16 year-old mine victim who told his friends to shoot him, and stories of truly innocent farming people being forced into the forest to hide from being killed. there are infants born in the jungle without hope of survival. there are children living in fear without any family members that are alive. i have been encoutering these stories for over a month now, and i still cannot get over it. i don't think i ever will.

i also had a chance to chat with dr. cynthia today, after discussing about one of the school projects i'm involved with. we talked about the clinic's hardships and its accomplishments, and i asked her if she had any idea that her efforts would bloom into something as big as where the clinic is now. she said when she first came here, she meant to be here for three months and then return to burma. she looked at me and smiled after telling me this, in a mixture of contentment and sadness. i will never forget that. i will always look up to her and the clinic. i will follow her footsteps.

i have a lot in my mind now. again, thinking, feeling, about the pain and suffering that exist right around the corner. it is no longer something i read in the book or hear on the news. i could smell the burning villages if i wanted to. i could hear the cries of the karen people if i listened. the faces of these people are in front of me everyday at the clinic.

i want it to end.